Holidazeee

I have trashed and rewritten this post so many times – I haven’t really been too sure what to say about everything and honesty some days the things I wrote were full of resentment (justified but still) and others they just didn’t make sense because I think I actually have redbull pulsing through my veins instead of blood. Life lately is a blur.

Since December 1 Riley and I have spent most of the month in the hospital and will continue to until right before Christmas- at least that’s what’s projected and what we hope for!

What I thought was a milk allergy ended up being a hole which requires open heart surgery essentially to fix it.

Most days I try not to think about it all in too much detail – the stress of everything outside of her hospitalization is enough to drive me insane already – so no I don’t really know how the surgery works and if they’re going to crack her chest open.. not because I don’t care but because I’m already having a hard time watching her scream in pain as they put an iv or a feeding tube in her. I don’t really want to know about or picture it – I’ve already seen enough.

I will say I’m glad we are getting the surgery over with – I believe it’s what’s best for both Riley and I in the long run. Right now it is scheduled for Monday. I’m sure once this whole ordeal is over I’ll be back to my normal sarcastic self.

But for now I’m just trying to get through each day and keep my baby comfortable and smiling which I think I’m mostly doing a good job of.

I really appreciate everyone that has reached out over the last few weeks – it is amazing to see how much this little girl is loved. And thanks to those closest to me that let me be a royal cunt (calm down Deborah) some days when I am entirely sleep deprived and don’t take it personally- you the real MVPs.

Also today some lady popped her head in our room and asked if we wanted dog therapy – briefly considered this, picturing a cute little lab and then she lifted up this shitzu like simba and I was like nah fam that’s a rat βœ‹πŸΌ – all good here. Byeeeee.

(Check that one eyebrow – genetics are reaaaaal)

Love you all

Xoxo

Lexie PS

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