Babies are assholes too.

I doubt anyone will say this or admit to it so I’ll be the great pioneer and fill you in – babies can be fucking assholes too.

I’m no medical professional (just CPR certified, classic web md doc – also one time after watching greys anatomy I tried to find a tumor on a catscan .. totally didn’t find it) but I’m telling you right now if Dr OZ wouldn’t sound like a jerkoff saying it he would too.. cause it’s true!

So many moms out there have reached out to me and said stuff I don’t think they normally tell other people, cause seriously who wants to be judged? Especially by other moms? No idea why but judgmental moms are literally the worst and super terrifying – like please don’t ask me any questions on how I raise my child Susan cause I know you’re gonna tell me how you do it better. 🙄

Being a mom, single or not is literally a full time job – and some days are amaaaaazing – relaxing, fun… the baby cooperates, you can get stuff done around the house – you are fucking super mom and hey you actually drank hot coffee that morning, it’s smooth sailing. But then there are the days when your child seems to have crawled straight out of the flames of hell and you’re lucky if you can even get a shower – they scream their heads off and nothing you do soothes them .. sometimes theres actually nothing wrong and their tiny little selves seem to rejoice in their newly found lungs and manage to work your last good nerve. You probably didn’t sleep much either and you’re not sure whether to scream or cry or both. I typically do both. If we are being honest though, sometimes I think slamming my head into a concrete wall would be more therapeutic maybe even soothing.

I will not for one second lie and say that I’m super mom though I would LOVE to be. In fact today was fantastic- I was able to workout (with Riley strapped to me) and even though I’m sure she’s teething she’s been in a good mood, she even let me shower and do some laundry. 😂 There are however days when I understand why Michael Jackson hung baby Blanket over the railing (I have never done that .. no railings here.. kidding I’d never ! but I do understand how a kid can really put you over the edge and challenge your mental stability).

I don’t know that there is much you can do to have your baby not act like a jerk, especially since they don’t understand everything but also they aren’t dumb – my child has mastered the fake cry basically since she leapt from my womb. I think the only real thing you can do is talk about it with other parents so you don’t go insane and not fucking sugarcoat it either.

Now if you’re still with me and don’t think I’m a complete asshole (I’m like 50/50) . Let’s continue… because this is really fucking important especially for new moms.

DO NOT believe anyone who acts like they have perfect children and are super mom (or Dad) they’re either full of shit or poppin addys in the back of the mini (van). As parents we have so much on our shoulders – not to mention a whole other life in our hands – it’s important that we stick together but that we be fucking real with one another. Me telling you my child is an angel and sleeps straight through the night in her crib is a fucking lie and a disservice. (Riley sleeps fairly well about four hours at a time most nights but in my bed) i don’t know I just feel like there needs to be more honesty out there about parenting ya know – stop with the bullshit and get real – cause like there are great moms out there struggling because they think their kids are bad compared to Supermom Sally over there.

So if you made it this far and you’re a new parent or an old one – choose good parent friends to hang around and talk to – don’t bother with the ones that have their gluten free vegan nut bars shoved so high up theirs assholes that they can’t admit that sometimes they lose their shit too and that little Arabella is actually a little asshole that not only sleeps in their bed at night but also takes up 90% of the bed and then pees in it.

No but seriously – don’t compare yourself to other parents – if you’re doing the best that you can then that’s really all your child needs. So many moms and dads wonder if they’re doing it right and if other people are judging their choices but An old friend of mine said to me the other day, “i just did what felt natural, and letting my baby scream in the crib for hours didn’t feel that way.” So like I said I’m not a medical professional – I’m sure Dr OZ would have a stroke if he read this post but do what works for you and don’t worry about what it LOoKS like other moms are doing: let your kids sleep in bed with you if it’s easier, give them blankets or don’t , let em on the booby or give them formula, go organic or all natural or whatever YOU think is best – it’s your child and a parents intuition usually doesn’t lie – and for the love of god , realize it’s okay to admit your child is being an asshole today.

Love and light,

Lexie PS

PS hope no one got butthurt 🙄✌🏼

3 thoughts on “Babies are assholes too.

  1. Aww! What a little cutie! I don’t have kids but this was a great read! My aunt is one of those “organic” moms, it makes no sense really. The Little’s eat boogers and dirt, I don’t think they care about organic puréed carrot bullshit? Ha, anyway keep momming on!


  2. Those are the moments most impressive. There is no reason a child should restrain their feelings. They’re learning how to be themselves. It’s those magic moments in their childhood you will remember


  3. Lol, ahh the little brain damaged monsters.
    When I was in 2nd grade my mom hit me in the back of the head whilst I was drinking my orange juice. Bounced my teeth off the glass and the loose one fell out and landed in the glass. I must have been dawdling too much getting ready and she was trying to hurry me up.
    Having raised three of my own I completely understand where you are and shall remainf for the foreseeable future. Thanks for the chuckle Lexie! 😜


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