Some days I really fucking hate moming.
I hate saying that I hate it because I’m not supposed to or I shouldn’t. But I do.
I know how amazing my daughter is, she is the light of my life. But holy god can this child test my very last nerve… like the literal last one.
Some days she just wakes up and is hell on wheels. She’s not doing anything really bad, she’s just not listening, as in flat out ignoring any sound coming out of my mouth no matter what the volume and often not even acknowledging my presence. I am clearly a fucking peasant. 🥴😐
It’s probably the age, but there’s a lot of days when I’m just like bruh, (Wipes drop of sweat from brow) what the fuck did I sign up for.
I’m a single mom, I don’t get the every other weekend off. It’s me 24/7. My family helps but I am my daughters everything. And she sucks the life from me like a Sanderson sister on Halloween. 75% of the time it’s cool, she’s quite literally a mini me which is terrifying cus like I’m wild and a giant dick, so I can’t even be mad at her when she does the same shit as me.
I remember last year when I was really struggling someone asked me if I didn’t want to be a mom because I was bitching about my daughters behavior. I have never been so offended. I wasnt saying I didn’t love my kid. I love my child. But some days she’s a pain in the butt and I don’t wanna mom(verb). You’re allowed to not like being a mom , it’s a really fucking hard job.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to not having to worry about anything or anyone but me – I miss being carefree – motherhood shifted my view on a lot of things. It brought new anxieties and insecurities and changed my whole world – Riley became it. She brought so much joy and happiness to my life. I got pregnant with her when I was in a very dark place, so yea I believe my kid saved me. She saves me every day, no matter how much of a beehole shes being, sometimes, she’s the only reason I’m still here.
There’s a lot more pressure to hold it together now though, there’s someone depending on me, so I white knuckle it a lot.
There’s a lot of days where I have to remind myself she’s just a kid, when I need to relax and stop stressing about stupid shit. Motherhood turned me into a control freak, I have to hold it together, all of it, for her.
I worry I can’t.
I hate motherhood because some days I don’t even know how to do it right.
Am I yelling too much? Am I being unreasonable?
I don’t remember what mothers do.
I think I lack tenderness some days, I feel mean. I feel detached. My depression and anxiety get the best of me. I just want to be alone for a moment.
So what do I do? I dunno lmao I’m still figuring it out. I’m slowly realizing I’m not the only one that struggles with this kinda stuff but not many people openly talk about it.
I’m not the perfect PTA, Pinterest, bake a plate of cookies for my neighbor, mini van kinda mom. I’m just fuckin not. And I can’t pretend to be cause that’s just even more pressure.
I’m a nose ring, tatted up, crop top wearin, bad ass mom who curses too much, laughs at all the wrong shit, and is just winging this whole motherhood thing.
And I think a lot more people are winging it too.
It’s been rough lately, terrible twos are real, my mental health is on the fritz and I’m just flyin by the seat of my pants or whatever that saying is 🤣
But just letting all those other badass moms out there who are havin a rough time know, you aren’t alone, youre allowed to want a break, or to not like your kids some days. This is a hard fucking job, and we have to stick together and be real about shit. So that’s my spiel .
Adios friends. ✌🏼
Also anyone with tips for handling two year olds please drop them in the comment section. 😬😬 they’re a whole different beast.