I stand in front of her headstone – its huge, close to four feet and only slighter shorter than me. My dad sort of squats beside me, wrapping his arms tightly around most of my upper body – any tighter and my whole body will probably make a cute little crunch sound. My 3 year old sister stands beside him as he weeps into me. My body is tense, I stand tall – solider like – staring just above the tombstone – I don’t want to see her name engraved there, as if it’s permanent but it is -this is my new reality, my mother, dead. My insides are burning – my throat tightens, I feel tears making their way to the surface – immediately my chest tenses – I inhale deeply – my inner voice gritting it’s teeth, “don’t cry, be strong.” I hold my breath as I stare into the distance, far beyond the remnants of loved ones and aging stone and flower, – I wish I was anywhere but here.
**** this blogs going all over the place right now much like my head 🥴🤣 I decided I’ll be working on a second book of short stories and poems – while the bulk will only be accessible in the actual book, I will periodically post stuff I’m working on here! Like this little blip above ! In the meantime I’ll be featuring other writers and highlighting one dope ass person per week. Tell me your story, your deep dark and dirty and how you overcame it, your proudest moments, how you’re helping people, a business venture you started, a weird story, how you’re managing recovery, your mental health, parenthood , whatever – I want to hear it. Anyone is welcome to partake in this. Should be starting in a few weeks. Please directly email to theSMiLFdiaries@gmail.com (updated).
If you aren’t a writer and would still like to take part, I’m happy to edit what you send and am open to anonymous submissions as well. Just trying to spread some good vibes and show off all of the amazing people out there. 💙☀️
Stay weird. ✌🏼😘